Happy Valentines Day y’all. The day for love, hearts, flowers, candy and all that other beautiful and delicious commercialized shit; a dope day to express love to friends and significant others. But how does one express that love? What gifts and gestures will REALLY hit that I love you spot? It all depends on what language the people in your life speak.
I’m not going to break down the 5 love languages or link the quiz, y’all have Google if you want that. I will say I don’t think the 5 love languages are an exact science, but they are a great starting place for understanding how others give and receive love. The 5 Love Languages according to Gary Chapman are as follows:
- Words of Affirmation
- Physical Touch
- Receiving Gifts
- Quality Time
- Acts of Service
Again, I don’t this is a perfect science, as some overlap and there are multiple ways of interpreting each. But this is a great starting place for learning a very hard lesson for many of us (and one I’ve failed more than a few times): We aren’t supposed to love people “the way we would want to be loved”. Love people with the effort you want. Love people with the passion you need. Love people with the intensity you seek.
BUT, love people in the language they speak.
For me, the things that make me feel most loved are words and time. That’s the language in which I’m fluent. If my partner, friends or family speak that language, we’ll never have a miscommunication. Those are the easiest people to love. Those in my life who speak other languages however, they require labor on my part if I want them to feel my love. Much like screaming your English at a Spanish speaker won’t make your message more clear, love languages face a similar barrier. You can scream your love from the rooftops, but if it isn’t their native tongue, there will only be confusion.
It starts with acknowledging the differences in our languages (awareness is half the battle for any and all problems). Thats easy. Shit, y’all can take the quizzes together to see what you speak and in what tongues you struggle. Then comes the hard part, putting in the work. Like learning a new spoken/written language, you’ve gotta put in work to learn the language your loved one needs. And like a spoken/written language, the most effective method is immersion. Practice it. Speak it to others. Show it off as you learn. Think in it. Over time, it will become as natural as the type of love you naturally understand. An effective love is a giving and sacrificial love. Learning a new language as an adult is hard. It’s labor that most don’t undertake unless it’s necessary for work or pleasure. In love, the work has to be put in if you want working and pleasurable relationships.If there seems to be a miscommunication in your relationship, explore those love languages and see where you match up. It’s something I’ve been undertaking since late last year and keep having to study my notes on, but it’s making my relationships more fulfilling than ever. Happy Valentine’s Day. Love yourself and others today.
*Fun Fact* The same people who created the book and quiz have also generated an apology language quiz. It’s worthwhile.
“Hold me like your only tomorrow, show me I’m the one you would die for. I’ll be everything you could ask for. Just you and me babe. Stay here with me babe. Silkk like my shocka, popp.a Silkk like vanilla waves. Your entity babe, my remedy babe. Silkk like ‘you wanna get freaky with me’. Mentally, spiritually, what you waiting on?”
-Akenya, on Smino’s Silk Pillows
turtlewithapen 